Huh!?!?!

Did you ever have a "Huh?!?!?!" moment went reading the Bible? I did today, and I'm just going to share some brainstorming with you...

God has been speaking to me not only about obedience but also reverence for him and I think that this is where it's going...

I have been reading from 1 Samuel. 1 Samuel 1 & 2 told about Elkanah and Hannah. Hannah's womb was barren. When she promised God that she would give her child to Him, she conceived Samuel. She gave him to the Lord and she was blessed with more children. Samuel was given to the Lord and left at Shiloh at the tabernacle where Eli was the priest. Eli's sons did wicked things, the Bible says that they had no regard for the Lord. And the Lord said to Eli (through a man) , "Why do you honor your sons more than me?"

Eventually, God speaks to Eli and tells him that judgement for their sin is coming. When Samuel tells Eli, Eli says, "He is the Lord, let Him do what is good in His eyes." (v. 18)

Huh?!?! I have many questions here...
But I'm just going to journal about 1...
I find it interesting that God doesn't have mercy on him. In scripture it says that only not honoring and revering the Lord is unforgivable...
Eli didn't honor the Lord all that time, and even when God warns him through the man and Samuel's message, we don't see any repentance.
But...when God tells Eli that judgement is coming, he submits!

Hmmm...
I have spent much time reflecting on this, and I believe I will continue to reflect on this, but I guess I'm asking God to do this-

Show me where I am not honoring you with my life, and make me see it- really see it!

Make me repentant!

Make me submissive to you before I sin.

Here's my burden:
Am I accepting God's anger, his jealousy, his tests and trials and missing the part of my heart that he's after!?!?! Has he revealed sin to me, and I'm so caught up in my own life, that I'm missing what God's revealing and asking me to repent of?

I remember one time when my former brother-in-law fell out of a( I think a 3rd story) window. He miraculously landed in a dumpster heaped with cardboard protecting him and leaving with just a few small scratches. His mother's response? "Don't make God try to get your attention again!"

And that is my prayer,

Lord,
Help me not to be so caught up in this life, that I miss what you're revealing to me. Never allow me to forget that you are almighty and powerful and that you are my first love. Never allow me to put my marriage, ministry, or fertility above you, but I want to honor you above ALL things!
Forgive me Lord for the areas where I am fallen!
In Jesus' name.
Amen.

Remember this

Hebrews 3: 15 says: "Remember what it says: Today when you hear his voice, don't harden your hearts as Israel did when they rebelled."

Can you tell God's working in me with obedience!?!?!

The Bible says that even when Israel rebelled and tested and tried the patience of God, they saw his miracles! Sounds great right? But no, God says, " I was angry with them, and I said, Their hearts always turn away from me!"

I was talking to a sister of Christ on the phone. I listened to her tell of her father's death. She explained that there was a peace, but of course the hurt of loss.

I listened and said all the "right" things: "I'm so sorry... I'm so glad you had peace in knowing he was a man of God...I'll be praying for you..."

And then, I heard the still small voice in my heart saying, "Pray for her, right now, pray for her!" My heart began to thump rapidly, and I'm saying "Really God? You know how much I hate praying out loud- on the phone- and I hardly know her!"

Ughh! As I resisted, and became more distracted by the tugging of the Holy Spirit, I looked down. I looked down at the Bible and I saw the word "Obey."

I obeyed. She wept. It mattered to her that I prayed.

I bring this situation up, because it one of the Holy Spirit's commands that I so often choose to ignore!

I can go to church, run a ministry, spend time in the word, and see God work miracles through prayer and relationships, but if I disobey (and I do)...
I still anger God.

Praise Him, that in the new covenant, I still have a place of eternal rest! But I can tell you anger from God is not something I desire.

Lord, Change me. Forgive me Lord for the times when I have disobeyed. Make me aware of your desires for me! Lord, change me from the inside out so that I desire to obey you and can do so with joy and comfort and trust. Lord, I know that I cannot do this alone! I thank you and praise you for your grace and mercy and for sending your Son, Jesus Christ, to be the ultimate sacrifice from my sins. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Victory

There are two things in my life that I have been in constant prayer about for the past year. The first is that my husband would surrender his life to Christ with no reserves! And the second, is that God would bless us with children. I would be lying if I said some days weren't a struggle! I would be lying if some days I didn't just stay in my pajamas and mourn, or not answer the phone or call anyone because I just can't bear to talk about it. The truth is sometimes I forget how to trust.

In Psalm 3, David reminds us of some really important stuff! After fleeing from his son Absalom (2 Samuel 15-18) he writes this Psalm. At the time thousands had risen up against him. He had to be in fear- would he make it out alive?

What I found absolutely fascinating about this Psalm, is that David says, " I laid down to sleep!" Hello!!!???!!! Is anyone here with me? I don' t sleep when the dog barks! David was surrounded by enemies, and he rested! The Lord protects us and we can trust him!

But even before that, David says, "So many are against me, saying God will never rescue him!But you O, Lord, are a shield around me, you are my glory, the one who holds my head high! I cried out to the Lord and he answered me from his holy mountain!"

When people or even Satan try tell you that you won't be rescued, that you are not worthy, that even God isn't big enough- KNOW THAT THIS IS A LIE!!!! David knew it was a lie! And we must know too!!!! He was protected! He had peace! He was delivered from his fear! And David didn't even have to fight the battle alone! He trusted God to avenge! And all of this from a man after God's own heart!


Lord, we thank you that we can rest in you, trust in you, and find peace in you! Please reveal parts of our lives that have us in bondage because we are afraid to put them in even your mighty hands! Lord you are good! You give us peace, trust, protection, deliver us from fear, avenge the wicked and Lord, YOU ARE ALWAYS VICTORIOUS! Thanks be to God!
In Jesus' name. Amen!

He Terrified Them

He terrified them! Psalm 2 says He terrified them with his anger! So our God...bigger than the universe, Creator of ALL things... angers! I know that he angers but can we just imagine the wrath of a God this big!?!?! I too would be terrified!

Or am I?

You see, these people were trying to overthrow God because they feared they would be enslaved to Him!

When I was about 13, I remember a time when I was playing outside with all the neighborhood kids. It was a rule at our house that when the streetlights came on, it was time to go in. Well, this particular night, I decided I would be late. I didn't want to obey my mom. I just continued to stay out ignoring our family curfew. When I finally came home, I was dismayed to see my parents waiting for me on the doorstep. I became fearful of the consequence. Prior to the anger of my parents, it seemed like a fine idea to ignore their rules and not to be held captive as a slave. Because, I'm sure you've heard, teenagers are held captive by their parents :)

I think we look at this illustration in the Bible and we want to point fingers in disbelief at the bad guys...but do we look in the mirror?

How many times have we decided that we don't want to feel enslaved? That God's plan for us was to hold us captive? And so we disobey. We go about our business proclaiming untrue and unreal freedom! And we're okay with that...

Because we forget his wrath! We forget his scoffing! We forget His revererance...

And what a great mistake that is. Let us choose to live fearfully and not make him terrify us. I can only imagine the wrath of the Lord and I certainly do not want to experience it. As my parents had rules because they loved me and wanted to protect me and guide me to a better life, all I could see was them holding me captive. As I have grown, I have learned to trust their wisdom and the wisdom of the Lord!

God is not calling you captive! He is designing you a path of righteousness, love, and eternal life! Will you trust?

Makeover Monday

Have you ever gone to the salon for a simple cut and color...and left wondering how a cut and color got turned into a Tie-dyed Takeover? I remember when my younger sister was in beauty school. I would go in smiling...the kind of smile that hides chest-thumping anxiety. You see, my sister- she's a bit more trendy than I am. I was happy in jeans and she needed a dress. I was fine with no makeup while she could rock peacock green on her eyelids with confidence! We were ummm...different!?!?! So when I would go sit in her chair, I would go and expect more.. I would expect to well...come out looking like the trendy, in-style, latest fashion beauty that she was! And well, sometimes I loved what she did... and other times it took some getting used to...and sometimes, I needed to go back for a change the next week. And we all know what it's like to have the hair stylist make it look sooooo great, only to find out that when we get home and shower and blow dry- it's the same exact way it looked before the cut!

I think sometimes we go to God with these great expectations...that if we go this Bible Study, this worship night, this conference, this speaker... that we'll come out lookin' like that rockin' Christian woman we wanna look like. But, sometimes we don't. Sometimes, we leave looking not much different. Sometimes we may even leave jealous, or more self-critical- and we even feel more defeated than when we arrived. I have gone to Bible Studies where I expect some major change...and I leave well...the same. Sometimes the other women may chat you up, compliment you and encourage you, but when you go home, you know your heart remains right where it was... the encouragement doesn't last. Sometimes, even when we don't change...we keep going back hoping to fall in love with something...for something to be right, to leave being "better."

I wanna tell you something about hair... I've had several haircuts, colors, trims, even waxes...and not one of them has overhauled my self-esteem to places it's never been before. I may have left the salon feeling a little better about myself- but in the grand scheme of things I'm still me with the same issues...

So it is with God. We can go to all of the events in the world, hear all of the speakers, sit through 20 Beth Moore Bible Studies, and still come out looking like the same old Christian. Unless we have an internal change, we have the same old issues and hangups. My faith is standin' still along with my self-esteem b/c my hair really isn't the problem! And neither is your Bible Study!

We as women have to connect! God doesn't say go to a Bible Study, make sure you don't miss any Christian Conferences....but he does say this: "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit every season." Psalm 1: 1-3

If you want to love your new hair cut whatever it may look like...if you want to be that girl who can rock any style... it has nothing to do with the hair cut and everything to do with believing you're beautiful.

And so it is with our God... it does not matter what we try to do... we can only be made right and have a deeper relationship with God, when our heart changes! And we do this by meditating on his law... it is then when we will yield fruit! It is then we will become filled with love and patience and kindness - those things we want to emulate in others. It only comes from the Lord! There is no other way!

Out of Gas and Just on Time

Yesterday I was scheduled for my biannual dentist appointment at noon. Since I had the day off, I began my day by driving about a half hour to have breakfast with my mom, nanny, and sister. We had a great time and I went to Kmart with my mom to get some travel- size goodies for my trip to NC for the She Speaks Conference. What a beautiful start to a day off of work!!! It was about eleven, so I thought I better start to head home.

On the way home, I called one of my close and dear friends to see how her week was going and she began to tell me that her 6-week old son had a fever and she was very concerned. She went on to tell me how she knew of another story where an infant's fever had become fatal, and he had gone on to be with the Lord as only an infant. She shared with me secret and horrid fears that Satan was implanting into her head as she guarded her heart with truth. She began to cry, and my eyes filled with tears. I became choked up. I realized how much I truly did love this friend. I told her that I have an appt. and after that I would be available and get there as soon as I could in- she was waiting for the doctor to call back. I wrestled in my mind: Should I cancel my appointment and go to her, or would it be okay to wait?

I got home and ran in the house to get my insurance info for the dentist, and ran out the door. I knew my gas tank was low, but the warning light didn't shine, so I knew I had time to stop on the way to the dentist. I pulled out of my driveway and realized the gas pedal wasn't making my car go. I pulled over, and knew that God wanted me to go to her. I cancelled my appointment and called Triple A. In about 35 minutes Dave from Triple A arrived with gas for my car. I stopped at the gas station and hurried to my friend's house. I hadn't called her back. I knew I was supposed to go see her, and I didn't want her to say, "No."

I arrived at her house and she told me that her mother-in-law just arrived to watch her daughters. She was calm, but ready to go to the doctor for her 1:30 appointment. I arrived just in time. She was literally just getting ready to walk out the door! I told her, " I need to go with you!" I knew it was God's will. She shared with me how she tried to get an earlier appointment, but there was nothing. God's timing was perfect! Her son may have a virus, he is at the doctor as I write this. Lord, please be with him, and the doctors. Give them divine wisdom and knowledge to detect any illness or infection going on in his body. Heal him and restore his health. In Jesus' name. Amen.

She said she was encouraged! And for me- well, I got to see a little more of our Awesome God!

She Speaks of Her Dreams

Last year, one year after God led me to start a women's ministry for young women at my church, I began to dream big. I was so absolutely blown away by God's ability to turn a baby Christian into a successful ministry leader that I wanted to see what else He could do with me! I started to look at different opportunities, and thought that maybe I'd want to be a Christian speaker of some sort! I kind of took the idea with a grain of salt and shared it only with close friends- after all- this was a really BIG dream! I soon stumbled across the website for the She Speaks Conference with Proverbs 31 Ministries.

It seemed so out of reach at that time, and too expensive...so I let it go. One year later, I revisited the website by God's prompting. I thought I was going on to look at a daily devotional... and there before me was a huge invitation to the She Speaks Conference 2010- only a few months away! I was so intrigued by this- I had kind of put it out of mind- and strangely- here it was again. I read over the information, and wondered if maybe I could make this happen - if I could talk my husband into saying, "Sure" to trip far away and one that would be a little beyond our budget- financially speaking. So I prayed!

I was praying about this and packing for the women's retreat at our church when I heard God say, "You will go." It was one of those moments when you kind of stop in your tracks and cock your head and say, "God, was that really you?" And you know it was! I thought, "God, you're really going to have to work on my husband!" I went to the retreat and told a few close friends that I was interested in going. The women's ministry leader, said, "Oh that's a bit expensive...there are some that are more affordable." But I knew that God said I would go to THIS one!

After the women's retreat, I came home and presented the information to my husband. Much to my surprise, he said yes! My mom, I later discovered, had offered to pay half! Which is a small miracle in itself!

Jon (My husband) asked me to do a fundraiser to raise money to travel. My aunt who lives on a farm was already planning our family yard sale. So, I decided to do a yard sale fundraiser. I gathered items from family and friends and in one Friday morning God blessed me with over $1,000. The next day, along with donations would pay the entire trip and then some! Praise the Lord!

I often say the saying, "If God didn't meet it, You didn't need it!" Well... God is good! In a matter of weeks, I had raised enough money and permission from my husband to go to She Speaks--- which weeks before had seemed light years away from possible!

As I look back at my BIG dream from a year ago- I am reminded that my BIG dreams started years ago. You see, when I was in elementary school, there were two things that I wanted to be when I grew up...

1. The First Woman President
2. A News Broadcaster

Even as a little girl, God was cultivating these dreams! At She Speaks I will be taking some courses on Women's Leadership and others on Speaking ( Which I call Broadcasting the Good News). Isn't God good?

I am so looking forward to the direction of my life... where is God taking me? Where is God taking you? Are you trusting Him to provide? Are you believing that your dreams are too BIG??? He is our provider and nothing is to big for our God!!! Praise the Lord!