There He was...hearing my prayers, showing me compassion, telling me to wait, giving me hope along the way. And then there she was, my child, being formed in my womb. My Julia. His Julia, given to me and my husband to teach and train to know Him. And I will! Looking back at previous posts makes the realization of the little one lying in my lap so much more surreal. He is faithful. Glory be to God! Thinking about starting a new blog called 3am... we'll see...it would blog what I wake up thinking about every morning at 3am :)
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
God's Perfect Timing Revealed!
About 2 years ago, I stopped working at a pregnancy center in Reading because I was starting JEWELS. I did some filing for them every wednesday evening. I enjoyed it very much, and enjoyed chatting with the people who worked there! I forget why, but I had told one of the girls I would make her a pie and bring it to her sometime.
Two years had passed and the day had come! I made the pie and took it to the center. It was great to see everyone! I couldn't believe two years had passed! Wow!
It wasn't much later that I read an email explaining that the girl who I had taken the pie to had broken up with her boyfriend of 6 years! Although it was her decision, anyone in a relationship for that long knows the hurt and loneliness and fear and rollercoaster of emotions that a decision like that triggers.
Out of all the days in 2 years, I was so excited to know that God had chosen that day for me to give her not just a piece of pie...but rather peace & hope!
I love how God reveals himself in tiny but super special ways! He is so very faithful!
Heavenly Father,
I thank you for allowing me to see you! You are so good! Thank you that you care about us so much that you sneak little blessings into our lives. Thank you for letting me be a part of your work! In Jesus' name. Amen.
Two years had passed and the day had come! I made the pie and took it to the center. It was great to see everyone! I couldn't believe two years had passed! Wow!
It wasn't much later that I read an email explaining that the girl who I had taken the pie to had broken up with her boyfriend of 6 years! Although it was her decision, anyone in a relationship for that long knows the hurt and loneliness and fear and rollercoaster of emotions that a decision like that triggers.
Out of all the days in 2 years, I was so excited to know that God had chosen that day for me to give her not just a piece of pie...but rather peace & hope!
I love how God reveals himself in tiny but super special ways! He is so very faithful!
Heavenly Father,
I thank you for allowing me to see you! You are so good! Thank you that you care about us so much that you sneak little blessings into our lives. Thank you for letting me be a part of your work! In Jesus' name. Amen.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Let's be real...
When my Christian friends have had things they're dealing with, I've told them things like, "Tell God!" "Be honest with Him!" "It's okay to tell God how you feel, He wants you to." "Have you asked God?" "Have you told God?"
But when I have issues with my Christian friends, I don't want to tell them or even be honest with them. I am afraid to tell them how I really feel, and I am afraid they don't want to hear it. I don't ask them to be a better friend or do something different, and I don't tell Him all about how I felt.
Instead, I quietly, and with a grin, sweep it under the rug. I may shed a tear in the privacy of my own home, or feel sorry for myself behind the wheel of a long drive...but I don't need to say anything... it will go away...
And this is the problem. We encourage eachother to tell God about our problems b/c we know he loves us. He cares. He wants us to talk to Him...
And He wants us to talk to eachother too. While we're on this earth telling one another to tell God- not only is He inviting us to tell Him, but He's encouraging us to talk to one another.
His plan was for us to be connected and honest. Not connected, and quiet. We need to be real with eachother. If we're not- walls build and if walls build we become disconnected or falsely connected.
I'm so very tired right now- but I just knew I had to get this out...
So yes, tell God... but let's be real with eachother too! :)
But when I have issues with my Christian friends, I don't want to tell them or even be honest with them. I am afraid to tell them how I really feel, and I am afraid they don't want to hear it. I don't ask them to be a better friend or do something different, and I don't tell Him all about how I felt.
Instead, I quietly, and with a grin, sweep it under the rug. I may shed a tear in the privacy of my own home, or feel sorry for myself behind the wheel of a long drive...but I don't need to say anything... it will go away...
And this is the problem. We encourage eachother to tell God about our problems b/c we know he loves us. He cares. He wants us to talk to Him...
And He wants us to talk to eachother too. While we're on this earth telling one another to tell God- not only is He inviting us to tell Him, but He's encouraging us to talk to one another.
His plan was for us to be connected and honest. Not connected, and quiet. We need to be real with eachother. If we're not- walls build and if walls build we become disconnected or falsely connected.
I'm so very tired right now- but I just knew I had to get this out...
So yes, tell God... but let's be real with eachother too! :)
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Ugghhh!
Soooo, I got my period again! I could cry! The funny thing is- is that I did cry! But the even funnier thing is, I couldn't cry like I used to! It was almost like a fake cry that kids do- when they want to get their parents attention- you know- no tears... well I had a few tears- but then my eyes were suddenly and somehow dry. God is comforting me.
I am really bummed! I really want Jon to get tested while I am getting tested. But he's not so crazy about the idea. I feel frustrated & disappointed- like I' m letting my family down. I know how badly my mom wants a grandchild, how I'd love for my nanny who was recenlty diagnosed with cancer to meet our child on this earth. But, it might not happen! And I have to somehow be okay with that. I'm not in my own power okay with it at all, in fact as I write, a tear is forming in my right eye, and well, I just feel sad. I long so badly to be pregnant- to have a child in my womb! To see feel the excitement of a positive test, to see the smile and tears from my mother. To tell my sister, she's going to be an aunt! To tell my husband, that God has blessed us- He has answered our prayers!
But I can't do that yet...
and it hurts...
But I know that there is a reason! That there is a God that changed my life- who loves me- who has made himself known in so many other ways. I would feel safe saying, that if he hadn't made himself known before- I'd never believe and trust Him now. But I know He's real- He's shown me... like when he said so clearly to me that I'd go to She Speaks- and I did. And I went for virtually nothing after he provided the funds. Or, when I prayed for friends two years ago, and He has blessed me abundantly...
What I'm going through feels like unjustified torture, unfair punishment, cruelty beyond measure.
Tomorrow I will celebrate my birthday. I will remember that because my mom at age 17 chose life and sacrifice, that I will be celebrating my 29th year of my life. I will be reminded that God does perform miracles and that He does place children in our wombs at the perfect time and even in crazy circumstances He makes good of it all! I will be reminded that when 17 seems too young for one person- that 29 seems so old to another- but also that when it doesn't make sense to us- it all makes sense to Him!
But why in the midst is it so hard!? I know for my mom- 29 years ago- being pregnant in high school was hard- but now we have a great relationship and b/c she has lupus- it was so good that she had us early! I wish I knew why it's God's will for me to wait! But I don't... and I don't know that my mom - with an infant in her arms at 17 had anything to do but wait to see why that was a good thing. But--- I know and see that God is a God that wants to bless us...and that it doesn't always make sense but that He does in fact know what He's doing and He does it well!
Lord,
Please hear my prayers for a child! I am crying out to your Lord! I desire to feel a child in my womb and to raise it to know you! I am hurting, but I do trust you Lord. Help me to be patient. Help me to believe and know that this is part of your perfect plan for my life. Help Jon and I to seek you and follow you and know your will and obey you. Comfort and give peace and patience to my family as they wait with me! Lord, please reveal yourself to me and them in a powerful way through this circumstance so that we can see your goodness in what feels like an inescapable pool of sorrow and grief. Thank you for all you do, and all you've blessed us with! In Jesus' name. Amen.
I am really bummed! I really want Jon to get tested while I am getting tested. But he's not so crazy about the idea. I feel frustrated & disappointed- like I' m letting my family down. I know how badly my mom wants a grandchild, how I'd love for my nanny who was recenlty diagnosed with cancer to meet our child on this earth. But, it might not happen! And I have to somehow be okay with that. I'm not in my own power okay with it at all, in fact as I write, a tear is forming in my right eye, and well, I just feel sad. I long so badly to be pregnant- to have a child in my womb! To see feel the excitement of a positive test, to see the smile and tears from my mother. To tell my sister, she's going to be an aunt! To tell my husband, that God has blessed us- He has answered our prayers!
But I can't do that yet...
and it hurts...
But I know that there is a reason! That there is a God that changed my life- who loves me- who has made himself known in so many other ways. I would feel safe saying, that if he hadn't made himself known before- I'd never believe and trust Him now. But I know He's real- He's shown me... like when he said so clearly to me that I'd go to She Speaks- and I did. And I went for virtually nothing after he provided the funds. Or, when I prayed for friends two years ago, and He has blessed me abundantly...
What I'm going through feels like unjustified torture, unfair punishment, cruelty beyond measure.
Tomorrow I will celebrate my birthday. I will remember that because my mom at age 17 chose life and sacrifice, that I will be celebrating my 29th year of my life. I will be reminded that God does perform miracles and that He does place children in our wombs at the perfect time and even in crazy circumstances He makes good of it all! I will be reminded that when 17 seems too young for one person- that 29 seems so old to another- but also that when it doesn't make sense to us- it all makes sense to Him!
But why in the midst is it so hard!? I know for my mom- 29 years ago- being pregnant in high school was hard- but now we have a great relationship and b/c she has lupus- it was so good that she had us early! I wish I knew why it's God's will for me to wait! But I don't... and I don't know that my mom - with an infant in her arms at 17 had anything to do but wait to see why that was a good thing. But--- I know and see that God is a God that wants to bless us...and that it doesn't always make sense but that He does in fact know what He's doing and He does it well!
Lord,
Please hear my prayers for a child! I am crying out to your Lord! I desire to feel a child in my womb and to raise it to know you! I am hurting, but I do trust you Lord. Help me to be patient. Help me to believe and know that this is part of your perfect plan for my life. Help Jon and I to seek you and follow you and know your will and obey you. Comfort and give peace and patience to my family as they wait with me! Lord, please reveal yourself to me and them in a powerful way through this circumstance so that we can see your goodness in what feels like an inescapable pool of sorrow and grief. Thank you for all you do, and all you've blessed us with! In Jesus' name. Amen.
Friday, August 27, 2010
He Cares About the Little Things!
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
God is good: All the time! All the time: God is good! I type this a little slower than I've typed before! I now have a bandaged finger, bulky with white gauze- in the way of my typical home keys- This finger now boasts being able to strike 2 keys at once! Its humility comes from striking the wrong keys! haha!
Three days ago, I decided, while slicing cucumbers on my mandolin- that it wasn't working right, so I reached my hand past the safety guard, and off went the entire layer of skin from my finger! Yuck!
I frantically searched for my phone, and called my friend and cousin Shelly. No one I know well lives terribly close to me, so despite having 2 children under 2, I tried her- she's a nurse. Typically Shelly is at home at this time, boys napping, cookies in the oven... But today was different!
Shelly and her mother-in-law, Beth, were actually less than 15 minute from my house, just paying for their items at Children's Place. She came right over! She was so gracious, and Beth was able to stay out in the car with the boys while Shelly came in to see the trauma. She took checked on me and then called doctor who sent me to the Emergency Room. After a short discussion, we decided to go to an ER different than where I might usually go. Beth took the older boy, Jacob, home. Baby Benjamin came with us. He was so good in the ER!!!
The nurses were so sweet! We were the only ones there! The nurses told us how unusually empty it was that day!
I was sheduled to take a meal to my other cousin ( Beth's daughter) that evening before a meeting I had scheduled. Prior to the injury, I just felt like I should cancel the meeting, so I did. But I still had the meal. I had made the baked ziti earlier that day, so it was ready to go- just didn't have any cucumbers for the salad! ;) So, as we drove back Shelly called Beth to check on Jacob, and who was at her house? Her daughter! So all I had to do was drive Shelly back to her car (we drove mine, so Beth could take Jacob back to her house) - and drop off the meal there! God is so good! He had every detail worked out! A perfect timing in line at Children's Place- Shelly said that after she got in line, several others lined up behind her. Perfect timing and an empty waiting room and we picked the right hospital!! Rebecca being at Beth's house, so I could give her the meal, without making another trip! ...and I'm sure there are more! But just trust in Jesus! He is so good, and He cares for you!
God is good: All the time! All the time: God is good! I type this a little slower than I've typed before! I now have a bandaged finger, bulky with white gauze- in the way of my typical home keys- This finger now boasts being able to strike 2 keys at once! Its humility comes from striking the wrong keys! haha!
Three days ago, I decided, while slicing cucumbers on my mandolin- that it wasn't working right, so I reached my hand past the safety guard, and off went the entire layer of skin from my finger! Yuck!
I frantically searched for my phone, and called my friend and cousin Shelly. No one I know well lives terribly close to me, so despite having 2 children under 2, I tried her- she's a nurse. Typically Shelly is at home at this time, boys napping, cookies in the oven... But today was different!
Shelly and her mother-in-law, Beth, were actually less than 15 minute from my house, just paying for their items at Children's Place. She came right over! She was so gracious, and Beth was able to stay out in the car with the boys while Shelly came in to see the trauma. She took checked on me and then called doctor who sent me to the Emergency Room. After a short discussion, we decided to go to an ER different than where I might usually go. Beth took the older boy, Jacob, home. Baby Benjamin came with us. He was so good in the ER!!!
The nurses were so sweet! We were the only ones there! The nurses told us how unusually empty it was that day!
I was sheduled to take a meal to my other cousin ( Beth's daughter) that evening before a meeting I had scheduled. Prior to the injury, I just felt like I should cancel the meeting, so I did. But I still had the meal. I had made the baked ziti earlier that day, so it was ready to go- just didn't have any cucumbers for the salad! ;) So, as we drove back Shelly called Beth to check on Jacob, and who was at her house? Her daughter! So all I had to do was drive Shelly back to her car (we drove mine, so Beth could take Jacob back to her house) - and drop off the meal there! God is so good! He had every detail worked out! A perfect timing in line at Children's Place- Shelly said that after she got in line, several others lined up behind her. Perfect timing and an empty waiting room and we picked the right hospital!! Rebecca being at Beth's house, so I could give her the meal, without making another trip! ...and I'm sure there are more! But just trust in Jesus! He is so good, and He cares for you!
Friday, August 20, 2010
It used to be so easy...
In everything he did he had great success, because the LORD was with him. 1 Samuel 18:14
We know that God chose David because he was a man who would love Him. David really did have a heart for God! And as he takes on the Philisitnes we can see how much he also had faith in God! Not only was God with him, but he trusted that God was with him.
I have been so blessed, that as I work and pray to and for the Lord, I feel such a feeling of excitement! I cannot wait to see what He has for me. I pray and pray, and sometimes I feel like there's no answer.
When I think back to the beginning of my ministry in JEWELS, I see God's hand upon all of it! I am amazed! But I wonder when I heard God. I probably should've kept a journal, but it was all so effortless. As JEWELS grows, I find myself becoming anxious... really searching for God to show me the way.
I wonder if I'm overthinking things. I don't remember praying this hard before. Is this a good thing? I don't know. I think I'm so sure that all of what has happened before was so God and so good, that I don't want to get in His way now.
Often I pray, Lord, just be with me! And I think this is such a lame prayer... that's all I can think to say to the Creator of the Universe?!?!?!? But when I read about David today I found a great comfort in knowing that all of his success was simply because: "THE LORD WAS WITH HIM!"
So, where do I go from here? What do I take from this? I guess that the Lord is with me. And I need to just love him. I need to trust him. I need to follow his leading...and wait quietly until he says. Maybe I am just overthinking- maybe I'll just know...It used to be so easy...when all I knew how to do was trust...
Lord, bring me back to my childlike faith. Help me to know and to trust you and search You but not search for every answer. Help me to know that you are with me, and that you have chosen me to lead JEWELS because of the love we share. Lord, I give the glory to you. Show me your way, and I will rest in you.
In Jesus' name. Amen.
We know that God chose David because he was a man who would love Him. David really did have a heart for God! And as he takes on the Philisitnes we can see how much he also had faith in God! Not only was God with him, but he trusted that God was with him.
I have been so blessed, that as I work and pray to and for the Lord, I feel such a feeling of excitement! I cannot wait to see what He has for me. I pray and pray, and sometimes I feel like there's no answer.
When I think back to the beginning of my ministry in JEWELS, I see God's hand upon all of it! I am amazed! But I wonder when I heard God. I probably should've kept a journal, but it was all so effortless. As JEWELS grows, I find myself becoming anxious... really searching for God to show me the way.
I wonder if I'm overthinking things. I don't remember praying this hard before. Is this a good thing? I don't know. I think I'm so sure that all of what has happened before was so God and so good, that I don't want to get in His way now.
Often I pray, Lord, just be with me! And I think this is such a lame prayer... that's all I can think to say to the Creator of the Universe?!?!?!? But when I read about David today I found a great comfort in knowing that all of his success was simply because: "THE LORD WAS WITH HIM!"
So, where do I go from here? What do I take from this? I guess that the Lord is with me. And I need to just love him. I need to trust him. I need to follow his leading...and wait quietly until he says. Maybe I am just overthinking- maybe I'll just know...It used to be so easy...when all I knew how to do was trust...
Lord, bring me back to my childlike faith. Help me to know and to trust you and search You but not search for every answer. Help me to know that you are with me, and that you have chosen me to lead JEWELS because of the love we share. Lord, I give the glory to you. Show me your way, and I will rest in you.
In Jesus' name. Amen.
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